what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
