grandma shit on top of the toilet
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
