True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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