He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I want her autograph on my taint
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
