So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
