So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
