I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
