im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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