Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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