it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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