my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
