Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize