you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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