they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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