dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize