I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
