You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
