forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
