Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
