I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
