??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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