omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
