My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
