i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
