saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
