Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
