last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
