hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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