Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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