***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
