maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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