Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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