HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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