Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize