Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
