I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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