That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
