ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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