I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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