i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
