I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
