I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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