Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
