just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
sarcasm needs its own font
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
