You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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