So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
