haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
