Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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