North Korea, Best Korea!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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