Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
