i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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