i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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