guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
