I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
