Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
