if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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