Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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