Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have fence marks all over my body
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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