went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
