Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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