it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
