Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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