My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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