guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
