Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
