Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
