North Korea, Best Korea!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
