why didn't you poke me back
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
